They Probably Weren't Being Rude

Someone didn't reply.
They cut you off in the meeting.
Went around you.
Made the decision without asking.

And within about four seconds, you had an explanation.

They don't respect you.
They're being difficult.
They did it deliberately.

Here's what actually happened…

Something occurred, you had no information about why, so your brain filled the gap.

And it filled it with the least generous option available.

That's not a character flaw. It's how everyone's brain works.

Ambiguity is uncomfortable, so we resolve it fast, and the fastest resolution is usually the one that casts us as wronged.

But now you're carrying a grievance built entirely from a guess.

So try the other assumption.

They didn't understand.
They were dealing with something you couldn't see.
They were focused on their own problem, not yours.
Or better yet, they had no idea what you were expecting, because you never actually said it.

Most of the time, one of those is the truth. Because everyone's busy, distracted, and operating on incomplete information - exactly like you are.

And the two assumptions lead to completely different places.

Assume malice and you go quiet. You mark them down. You bring it up three weeks later in an argument about something else.

Assume misunderstanding and you just ask "What was your thinking on that?"

That question has most of these situations gone in sixty seconds.

Because the problem was almost never what they did… it was the story you built about why they did it.

So next time something lands badly, notice how quickly you've decided what it meant.

Then check yourself.

Clarity solves misunderstandings.

Grievance just stores them.

If you know someone who would benefit from reading this, please forward it to them. It may change the trajectory of their life for the better, and the catalyst could be you.