The Hardest Feedback To Take

Someone criticised you recently and you're still carrying it.

Before you decide what to do with it, sort it using these two questions:

1. Is it true?
2. Do they want me to win?

That gives you four possibilities, and only one of them is rubbish.

Possibility 1: True, and they want you to win. Act on it. This is the easy one, and it's rare - most people who like you will soften it until there's nothing left.

Possibility 2: Not true, but they want you to win. Thank them and let it go. Their intention was good. Their information wasn't.

Possibility 3: Not true, and they don't want you to win. Bin it. Nothing in there for you.

Possibility 4: True, and they don't want you to win. This is the one... the hardest to take, because every instinct says reject it. The delivery stings, the motive is obvious, and dismissing it feels like defending yourself.

But it's also the most valuable feedback you will ever receive.

Because the people who want you to lose will say the thing nobody who likes you is willing to say.

They're not protecting your feelings.
They're not softening it so you'll still be friends afterwards.
They're aiming for the weakest point they can find.
And sometimes they find it.

Which means the information is clean, even though the intent was not.

So separate the two.

The delivery was an attack. The content might still be accurate.

You can bin the first and keep the second.

Because rejecting what’s true just to spite the person who said it costs you twice.

They still don’t like you. And you’re still wrong.

If you know someone who would benefit from reading this, please forward it to them. It may change the trajectory of their life for the better, and the catalyst could be you.